12 December 2007

so many gifts

I'm afraid there's not much more than my sorrow and mourning at the moment in the words I want to lay on the screen... you'll have to forgive me - or come back in a few days, a few weeks or a few months... I have no idea how long it will last!

Bonne mam' has given us many gifts and coming to brittany just a few days before the winter solstice, when the world stop for a few days before rising toward spring again, is certainly one of them; after a 6hours drive, we were greeted in the middle of the night by a sky bathed with stars with no moon, and that is certainly one of them; a sharp and clear, sunny day without a single pinch of wind is certainly one of them...


But her most wonderful gift has been - for me at least - to depart from this world as we had planned to meet (my parents and siblings) to celebrate my sister's 40th birthday. It was the first time we were to gather all together in more than 2years... what a way to say a common farewell before the funeral?

I have spent 5 days within the family core and this has been a real gift for me too. Being voluntarily expatriated, I have touched the importance of the close ties that unite me to my brothers and sisters and their spouses, to my parents and to my nieces and nephews, to my uncles and aunts and some of my cousins... The sharing has been intense...

I have come back home to London a slightly different person, as I have experienced (for the first time?) that I have my place in the family circle. I have sensed and accepted that others can love me and I have allowed (for the first time?) this love to penetrate me... sweet pain there...

I'm now back in london after many miles, many tears, smiles and laughs, many hugs given and received, many looks shared, many words spoken and heards, many thank yous... and this all feel as only the beginning, with more tears to come, more smiles and laughs to come, more hugs to come, more shared looks and words to come, more thank yous to come...

1 comment:

CJM-R said...

It is wonderful to hear that you experienced your place in your family circle. It sounds like it was a very healing experience for you.

Peace,
Lena