The power of me

surfing on the wave and feeling on the top of the world
before
being engulfed in the ditch and fearing it is the last stop

a never ending swinging already encountered
in relationships of all kinds
out there with others
and within with myself

a new pendulum now oscillates between
crushing energy of anger
and
enpowering and transforming energy of agression

welcome!

words for pain
resentment
anxiety
sadness
fear
anger
hate
misunderstandings
aberration
envy
dark
etc.

I know well how to articulate them when things get complicated, uneasy and choatic

words for joy
pleasure
open heart
smile
easiness
love
friendliness
compassion
fogiveness
gratitude
light
etc.

these are a much harder task to get a grip on to communicate those feelings

i will work to restore a healthy balance

shivering...

i've been feeling cold all day
and shivering
my hands under the blanket don't get warm
the slightest body movement brings its lot of tremor spreading from head to toe
there have been so many today that there's like a gentle vibration inside
very pleasant around my heart and all over my tommy

is my body temperature dropping from outside in?
is my body temperature rising from frozen creating ripples, inside out?

does anyone know what shivering might represent symbolically (not medically...) ?

cycles

squeezed between
tears
and
laughs

swinging between
music
and
silence

begging for
no
words

terrified by
new
openings

no more
inscape

out
it
must
be

today
tomorrow or
the
day
after

negative energy....

I've registered for a 4-week course untitled "touching the unseen" and tonight was the second week, when we talked about meditation. We shared our personal practice and as the talking stick went around the circle i became very aware of a fact: a few people around the circle have a positive thought while meditating or call in positive energy, or say a positive mantra... and release negative energy...

I can't help thinking - where does all these negative energies go to? surely it can't be safe to just let it go, can it?

i asked this question and the teacher had some answer that didn't convince me, and rather the opposite. He said that we could release it to the Earth and that it would take care of it. How? The Earth is a living being and knowing how water cristals react to different emotions, words or peace of music (see Miraculous messages from water, Emoto's work), i can not believe that releasing negative energy into the cosmos is a good thing...

What I believe is that we've got to take responsibility for our negative thoughts and energy, too and transform them ourselves, one way or another before they can be released. Or else, other beings - humans or not - will end up picking up these energies they have not asked for...

Please, don't tell me i'm the only one thinking that way....