no escape!

what goes on inside
happens outside
everything is interconnected
with everything

physical and spirtual
material and psychological

there's no time
there's no space

when on doesn't look inside
it's put right in one's face outside

there's no possible escape

The more taboos and prohibitions there are in the world,
The poorer the people will be.
The more sharp weapons the people have,
The more troubled the state will be.
The more cunning and skill man possesses,
The more vicious things will appear.
The mmore law and orders are made prominent,
The more thieves and robbers there will be.


Lao Tzu

a missing ingredient

i'm missing an ingredient somewhere
that I wish I could find...
not too sure what it is unfortunately
anyone's got a recipe to help?
been told it's a little blend without it

i hope i can find it
will incorporate it with the stock that tastes good
hoping that it blends well

if i like the look and smell of it
i'll put it to the real test out there...
wish me luck!

free fall

what happened?
falling
in the deep shit hole
with no parachute
it's getting darker and darker
i'm going faster and faster

but what now?
i am slowing down
have a few words done the trick?
there's a bottom at the end of this well
open to an unknown and welcoming place

so what next?
the experience had to be revisited
painful, lonely, fearful, lifeless
rubbing on old awaken wounds
re-membered!

a conscious suffering
one that has a meaning
and slowly brings healing

:-))

un regard complice
un sourire en coin
un sentiment de surprise
un mot de remerciement vers l'impalpable
un quelque chose d'indéfinissable
...

The little princess

once upon a time a long, long time ago lived a little girl who always wanted to be a princess. She dreamt about it every day and every night so much so that one day she just knew that her dream had become reality. She had become a princess. She was the most beautiful little princess and she was so special that all the animals of the farm recognised her and loved her, and all the horses recognised her and loved her, and all the people recognised her and loved her. When some people didn't recognise her or didn't pay her the respect she was due she became very angry. But a princess cannot possibly get angry because it is so out of character and ugly. And so instead she would turn around and leave.

Now this little girl had many brothers and sisters and she knew that all of them wanted to become princes and princesses too and so there was stiff competition. And so she dreamt more than her brothers and sisters, and she asked always to be the most beautiful and the most intelligent of all and to be worshipped by all the people across the land. And when some people didn't worship her the way she was due she became very angry. But a princess cannot possibly get angry because it is so out of character and ugly. And so instead she would turn around and leave.

The most beautiful little princess left the land where too many people didn't love her and worshipped her the way she was due and arrived to a new land where all the people loved her and worshipped her the way she was due. And she was very happy. But as time went by the little princess was growing up and the love and worship of all the people was no longer quite enough because she wanted the most beautiful prince to find her and to love her and to worship her the way she was due. If the most beautiful prince could not find her then could all the love and the worship from all the people really be real? The little princess who was growing up became angry because the most beautiful prince obviously didn't live in this land. But a princess cannot possibly get angry because it is so out of character and ugly. And so instead she would turn around and leave.

The most beautiful little princess left the land where too many people didn't love her and worshipped her the way she was due and arrived in a new land where all the people loved her and worshipped her the way she was due. And the most beautiful prince lived on this land and found her and loved her and worshipped her the way she was due. But as time went by the little princess was growing up and all the love and worship of the most beautiful prince was no longer quite enough because she wasno longer that he was the most beautiful prince. She might have made a mistake and the most beautiful prince was still looking for her to love her and worhip her. The little princess grew angry the real most beautiful prince obviously didn't live in this land. But a princess cannot possibly get angry because it is so out of character and ugly. And so instead she would turn around and leave.

Once again, the most beautiful princess left the land where the prince had tricked her to think that he was the most beautiful prince and she erred for a long time. Finally she arrived in a new land where people didn't love her not worshipped her the way she was due. Because the people didn't love her and worship her she could be get angry, get out of character and ugly and she became very angry against the people of this land. But they didn't care and they continued living their lives without loving her or worshipping her. When she saw that being angry didn't change them one bit, she wept and wept and wept until the tears dried out and she fell asleep. When she woke up, the little princess had gone and only a not so young woman was there. And next to her stood a man who was not the most beautiful prince and she smiled at him.

exuberance

more of it
NOW!!!
Tomorrow!!!
and the day after!!!

Dream

I had a dream a few nights ago.
There was a cat in my garden and got out to scare him away as him and others keep pooing in the garden. This cat wears a beautiful dark grey fur and he was playing in the lower branches of a bush in the far left hand corner. As I arrived there he left and I saw in that same area 4 other cats and kitties lying dead on their sides. It didn't touch me more than that and I just wondered whether to leave them there or to bin them.

it is now hitting me - this part of me symbolised by the cats has died and it doesn't affect me emotionally.... Ouch!!

un peu de trop ou de pas assez
emotions of all sorts
un coeur qui bondit dehors
une tête qui cherche à garder le contrôle
coûte que coûte...

c'est le début de la fin
l'adrénaline se répand dans mes veines
investit les moindres recoins de mon être
et pourtant
je suis alerte
je veux fuir
mais je suis scotchée là
pétrifiée, fascinée...

appelez-moi et je ne réponds pas
n'appelez pas et j'attends le son de votre voix
de tout mon être
je n'existe pas
j'ai disparu du bout des doigts
pfff, je suis plus là!

je reviens
mais il faudra m'attraper au vol
me plomber les pieds
m'attacher
que je reste en contact avec le sol!
me tenir informée
même si je ferme les écoutilles
même si je veux rien savoir
m'ouvrir les yeux,
me crier dans les oreilles,
me faire sentir ma peur non fondée
m'obliger à être là
toujours
présente
maintenant!!!

The power of me

surfing on the wave and feeling on the top of the world
before
being engulfed in the ditch and fearing it is the last stop

a never ending swinging already encountered
in relationships of all kinds
out there with others
and within with myself

a new pendulum now oscillates between
crushing energy of anger
and
enpowering and transforming energy of agression

welcome!

words for pain
resentment
anxiety
sadness
fear
anger
hate
misunderstandings
aberration
envy
dark
etc.

I know well how to articulate them when things get complicated, uneasy and choatic

words for joy
pleasure
open heart
smile
easiness
love
friendliness
compassion
fogiveness
gratitude
light
etc.

these are a much harder task to get a grip on to communicate those feelings

i will work to restore a healthy balance