Un petit gars est né
Quelques minutes avant sa soeur
Mais c'est elle qui s'éveille et
Vient goûter au sein gonflé
Deux poids plumes
Aux lèvres délicatement dessinées
Deux petites frimousses tour à tour
Relaxées puis renfrognées
Quatre yeux grand ouverts
Puis refermés
Des petits doigts si fragiles
Encore tous frippés
Frère et soeur
Deux petites beautés
Venant chambouler
La vie de leur grande soeur
De deux ans leur aînée
N. & B.
Félicitations et grand bonheur à vous cinq!
27 December 2007
25 December 2007
Christmas Spirit
The last 24h have been a bit of a whirlwind of activities, sounds, connecting with people, making, chatting, laughing at jokes, eating... a lot happening outside and not much inner space.
Christmas' eve last night at 16 parents, siblings, in-laws, nephews and nieces, cousins and aunt
Christmas lunch today at 22, i.e. more siblings, in-laws and nieces
This Christmas spirit has left me tired and in need to retire and recharge my batteries... I feel that I have given an enormous amount of energy, shared a big part of myself - too big a part??? Not seeing them all very often, because I dance the 5Rhythms and because I am more than willing to talk about the kind of workshops I treat myself with, they ask questions of all sorts that are not always easy to answer. This year, I believe for the first time, I have had the chance to see and accept without guilt that I needed some inner space away from everyone else for a short while. And most importantly and most grateful for it, I have allowed myself to take this time away: I stop, sit down and write these words.
They helped me much for it as they all disappeared for an hour or so to an exhibition in town that I'd been to a couple of days ago. The silence, the music by Gabrielle Roth on the sound system, the returning home within... made me realise that I usually dive into the family energy and give without counting, without noticing... Can I call it giving? Maybe not. It may be more a matter of leaking away energy because I am not conscious of my needs.
And so I had gone from my body but I am pleased that this time it didn't take me another workshop, another psychotherapy session, another major crisis and many tears to find out and to re-discover the roots and anchor of my true being. This time, a few minutes of quietness, of having retired, of being alone and of checking inside what my needs are have allowed the feelings of being worthy and deeply engaged with myself to resurface. And the fact that this has happened in the family house is a gigantic and leap! It feels wonderful!!
I know I will give more in a minute as they have now come back but I have had this time for myself to check in, to thank myself... I am proud, I am pleased... I know there will be more allowing to happen to be able to remain in touch with my needs "at all times" and even in these big family reunions, but I can see this happening in the future.
Christmas' eve last night at 16 parents, siblings, in-laws, nephews and nieces, cousins and aunt
Christmas lunch today at 22, i.e. more siblings, in-laws and nieces
This Christmas spirit has left me tired and in need to retire and recharge my batteries... I feel that I have given an enormous amount of energy, shared a big part of myself - too big a part??? Not seeing them all very often, because I dance the 5Rhythms and because I am more than willing to talk about the kind of workshops I treat myself with, they ask questions of all sorts that are not always easy to answer. This year, I believe for the first time, I have had the chance to see and accept without guilt that I needed some inner space away from everyone else for a short while. And most importantly and most grateful for it, I have allowed myself to take this time away: I stop, sit down and write these words.
They helped me much for it as they all disappeared for an hour or so to an exhibition in town that I'd been to a couple of days ago. The silence, the music by Gabrielle Roth on the sound system, the returning home within... made me realise that I usually dive into the family energy and give without counting, without noticing... Can I call it giving? Maybe not. It may be more a matter of leaking away energy because I am not conscious of my needs.
And so I had gone from my body but I am pleased that this time it didn't take me another workshop, another psychotherapy session, another major crisis and many tears to find out and to re-discover the roots and anchor of my true being. This time, a few minutes of quietness, of having retired, of being alone and of checking inside what my needs are have allowed the feelings of being worthy and deeply engaged with myself to resurface. And the fact that this has happened in the family house is a gigantic and leap! It feels wonderful!!
I know I will give more in a minute as they have now come back but I have had this time for myself to check in, to thank myself... I am proud, I am pleased... I know there will be more allowing to happen to be able to remain in touch with my needs "at all times" and even in these big family reunions, but I can see this happening in the future.
-------------------------------
I went back to the buzzing energy of the group and sat down by the fire. One of my nephew, usually rather shy came to cuddled on my lap. It was a wonderful feeling of love and quiet. He stayed there for a long while and I loved every second of it as peace lingered on for a little longer... Thank you J.
I went back to the buzzing energy of the group and sat down by the fire. One of my nephew, usually rather shy came to cuddled on my lap. It was a wonderful feeling of love and quiet. He stayed there for a long while and I loved every second of it as peace lingered on for a little longer... Thank you J.
23 December 2007
Thank you
Yes, a big thank you to you(s) who sent me good wishes when I asked, whether by leaving messaging or otherwise...
The year of the sun 2007 is now over and the new year has started... I'm looking forward to the next last days of 2007 and i am certainly excited about 2008 showing up very soon...
Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you if I don't come back to write before that...
The year of the sun 2007 is now over and the new year has started... I'm looking forward to the next last days of 2007 and i am certainly excited about 2008 showing up very soon...
Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you if I don't come back to write before that...
15 December 2007
wish me luck
I'm wishing myself good luck tonight.
If you happen to pass by or if you've just stumbled upon my blog tonight, please take a short while to wish me goodluck from your heart. Even if you don't know why!!
Thank you ;-)
If you happen to pass by or if you've just stumbled upon my blog tonight, please take a short while to wish me goodluck from your heart. Even if you don't know why!!
Thank you ;-)
12 December 2007
so many gifts
I'm afraid there's not much more than my sorrow and mourning at the moment in the words I want to lay on the screen... you'll have to forgive me - or come back in a few days, a few weeks or a few months... I have no idea how long it will last!
Bonne mam' has given us many gifts and coming to brittany just a few days before the winter solstice, when the world stop for a few days before rising toward spring again, is certainly one of them; after a 6hours drive, we were greeted in the middle of the night by a sky bathed with stars with no moon, and that is certainly one of them; a sharp and clear, sunny day without a single pinch of wind is certainly one of them...
But her most wonderful gift has been - for me at least - to depart from this world as we had planned to meet (my parents and siblings) to celebrate my sister's 40th birthday. It was the first time we were to gather all together in more than 2years... what a way to say a common farewell before the funeral?
I have spent 5 days within the family core and this has been a real gift for me too. Being voluntarily expatriated, I have touched the importance of the close ties that unite me to my brothers and sisters and their spouses, to my parents and to my nieces and nephews, to my uncles and aunts and some of my cousins... The sharing has been intense...
I have come back home to London a slightly different person, as I have experienced (for the first time?) that I have my place in the family circle. I have sensed and accepted that others can love me and I have allowed (for the first time?) this love to penetrate me... sweet pain there...
I'm now back in london after many miles, many tears, smiles and laughs, many hugs given and received, many looks shared, many words spoken and heards, many thank yous... and this all feel as only the beginning, with more tears to come, more smiles and laughs to come, more hugs to come, more shared looks and words to come, more thank yous to come...
Bonne mam' has given us many gifts and coming to brittany just a few days before the winter solstice, when the world stop for a few days before rising toward spring again, is certainly one of them; after a 6hours drive, we were greeted in the middle of the night by a sky bathed with stars with no moon, and that is certainly one of them; a sharp and clear, sunny day without a single pinch of wind is certainly one of them...
But her most wonderful gift has been - for me at least - to depart from this world as we had planned to meet (my parents and siblings) to celebrate my sister's 40th birthday. It was the first time we were to gather all together in more than 2years... what a way to say a common farewell before the funeral?
I have spent 5 days within the family core and this has been a real gift for me too. Being voluntarily expatriated, I have touched the importance of the close ties that unite me to my brothers and sisters and their spouses, to my parents and to my nieces and nephews, to my uncles and aunts and some of my cousins... The sharing has been intense...
I have come back home to London a slightly different person, as I have experienced (for the first time?) that I have my place in the family circle. I have sensed and accepted that others can love me and I have allowed (for the first time?) this love to penetrate me... sweet pain there...
I'm now back in london after many miles, many tears, smiles and laughs, many hugs given and received, many looks shared, many words spoken and heards, many thank yous... and this all feel as only the beginning, with more tears to come, more smiles and laughs to come, more hugs to come, more shared looks and words to come, more thank yous to come...
09 December 2007
Bonne-maman
Thursday 6th Decembre, sometime close to 6pm, she let out her last breath to never take a new one in. She threw the towel, after close to 96 years...
Not a Saint, not the perfect wife, mother, grand-mother, sister or woman, she has been instrumental in shaping who I have become, in my early years. And it is only these last few years that I have come to know and recognise this.
I know how lucky I am that she was still here in flesh and blood as well as in her right mind, as I have come very close to her. She has asked me many questions about my recent life and I like to think that she knew me more than many people I see everyday... I know she couldn't grasp entirely what my constant questions and my self-discovery journey are about, but she tried, again and again and again... and I am ever thankful to her for it.
I witnessed her go slowly with dignity, and love and gratitude for people that surrounded her. I know how pleased she was to see me and I know how important it has been for me to be present physically as often as I could. Her departure is obviously hard, but I have had time over the last few months to accept the love she gave me and to give her my love consciously. Somehow I feel at peace.
Bonne-maman, thank you.
Not a Saint, not the perfect wife, mother, grand-mother, sister or woman, she has been instrumental in shaping who I have become, in my early years. And it is only these last few years that I have come to know and recognise this.
I know how lucky I am that she was still here in flesh and blood as well as in her right mind, as I have come very close to her. She has asked me many questions about my recent life and I like to think that she knew me more than many people I see everyday... I know she couldn't grasp entirely what my constant questions and my self-discovery journey are about, but she tried, again and again and again... and I am ever thankful to her for it.
I witnessed her go slowly with dignity, and love and gratitude for people that surrounded her. I know how pleased she was to see me and I know how important it has been for me to be present physically as often as I could. Her departure is obviously hard, but I have had time over the last few months to accept the love she gave me and to give her my love consciously. Somehow I feel at peace.
Bonne-maman, thank you.
06 December 2007
farewell bonne-maman/bonne-mimi
j'ai peur d'oublier
ce dernier baiser déposé si doucement sur tes joues creusées
il n'y aura plus
ce sourire qui m'étais destiné quand j'entrais dans ta chambre
ces après-midis silencieux passés à tes côtés
ta main frêle dans la mienne et que j'avais peur de casser
Bon vent!
ce dernier baiser déposé si doucement sur tes joues creusées
il n'y aura plus
ce sourire qui m'étais destiné quand j'entrais dans ta chambre
ces après-midis silencieux passés à tes côtés
ta main frêle dans la mienne et que j'avais peur de casser
Bon vent!
04 December 2007
space clearing - Feng shui
my friend Sue from Feng Shui Fire Horse will be coming to my flat in less that two weeks time to clear the space energetically. Of what I understand - and expect? - the energy of the previous owners, who'd been living here for years and as a family for the last 3, will be released and sent back to its own home. Then my own imprint will be able to be made... I expect that this flat will become mine, for real!!
and so she sent me some homework to do before we start. she said "you've got to prepare yourself and the flat. otherwise it's a bit as if you're getting married but don't make preparation for it". I liked the analogy. Part of that homework was to clear clutter... I came back on Sunday night and went through ALL my clothes. Pile "needs to go", pile "needs to be thrown away", pile "that stays", pile "don't know yet"... Two big bags have gone to charity shops and probably another two before the end of the week!! It felt real good to get up in the morning, knowing I'd done the right thing.
almost three months since I've moved in and things move slowly. I enjoy it that way, though as I cherish every single small change and transformation taking place.
and so she sent me some homework to do before we start. she said "you've got to prepare yourself and the flat. otherwise it's a bit as if you're getting married but don't make preparation for it". I liked the analogy. Part of that homework was to clear clutter... I came back on Sunday night and went through ALL my clothes. Pile "needs to go", pile "needs to be thrown away", pile "that stays", pile "don't know yet"... Two big bags have gone to charity shops and probably another two before the end of the week!! It felt real good to get up in the morning, knowing I'd done the right thing.
almost three months since I've moved in and things move slowly. I enjoy it that way, though as I cherish every single small change and transformation taking place.
03 December 2007
A meme
I swiped this "meme" from Mich who swiped it from Boho, who swiped it from daisies.
- Do you own a gun? are you kidding me?.
- What do you think of hot dogs? Great just coming out of a club at 3.30am when dinner is way too far and it's freezing cold outside... get the onions in, too!!
- What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Ricoré - only French drink this as it's "l'ami du petit déjeuner..." - 20 years old TV add... sorry!
- Can you do push-ups? could do, no longer interested
- What’s your favourite piece of jewellery? Depends which day you're talking about...
- What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? my boobs - not so secret though
- Middle name? none
- Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1~ it's really getting late and I'm knackered
2~ i want a hot chocolate before going to bed
3~ i'm looking forward to wednesday night - What time did you wake up today? 7.00am
- Current hate? ???
- Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
~ peppermint tea
~ ricoré (again!)
~ water - Do you own slippers? nope but thinking about it as winter is coming in
- What shirt are you wearing? comfi clothes and thick socks
- Do you burn or tan? burn then flake then burn then flake then burn then tan... always need a very long holiday!!
- Favourite colour(s)? this season seems to be purple/burgundy
- Would you be a pirate? i'd be scared...
- What is your favourite holiday? diving in the red sea
- What songs do you sing in the shower? don't - only at night when i drive so that i don't fall asleep.. but that's not the question!
- What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? crocodiles from under the bed - had to make a real HUGE jump to my bed from as far as possible to trick them
- What’s in your pockets right now? I don't have pockets on ...
- Last thing that made you laugh? a genuine scientific study showing how chimps are SO MUCH better than students at memory tests... short videos on the BBC website, section Science/Nature if anyone is interested... hilarious!
- Best bed sheets as a child? definitely the orange blanket - don't remember the sheets
- Worst injury you’ve ever had? dislocated wrist and peritonitis - or probably the other way around
- Are your parents still together? yes
- Do you wish on shooting stars? when i see them which is rare
- What is your favourite book(s)? pass...
- What is your favourite candy? not so much into these
- How is the weather outside right now? cold, and it was sunny most of the day
- What was your first thought this morning when you woke up? need to get back to that dream
02 December 2007
écouter mes instincts...
Qui d'entre vous ayant lu "J'aime lire" a oublié Tom-Tom et Nana? Pas un/e seul/e, j'en mettrais ma main à couper... Qui d'entre vous ne commençait pas pas les dernières pages pour découvrir leurs dernières aventures? Qui ne se souvient pas de leurs intentions de début d'année, "on rangera notre chambre", jetant tous ces jouets "on est plus des bébés" sur le trottoir dans des grandes poubelles noires... avant d'être réveillés en pleine nuit par leurs peluches et autres goldorak les suppliant et les menaçant de les reprendre? ce qu'ils font bien-sûr...
S'il en est un/e, je veux savoir...
Ce soir a été un de ces moments pour moi - me débarassant de toutes ces fringues que je n'enfile plus, qui me sortent pas les yeux... j'a l'air de quoi, pas la bonne couleur, la bonne coupe, le bon jour pour mettre ce pantalon/cette écharpe/cette veste...
depuis des semaines maintenant j'avais l'impression de ne rien avoir à me mettre alors que mes valises ouvertes à même le sol (je n'ai toujours pas de penderie...) regorgent de plus qu'il n'en faudrait pour m'habiller pendant plusieurs semaines... le déclic s'est produit ce soir: il y a des kilos de fringues que j'ai aimé, que j'ai porté, que j'ai acheté et qui sont encore comme neuves... et dont je ne veux plus!! OUT!! Je me sens plus légère de deux gros sacs pleins à donner à un charity shop...
En priant pour ne pas avoir de cauchemars cette nuit... :))
S'il en est un/e, je veux savoir...
Ce soir a été un de ces moments pour moi - me débarassant de toutes ces fringues que je n'enfile plus, qui me sortent pas les yeux... j'a l'air de quoi, pas la bonne couleur, la bonne coupe, le bon jour pour mettre ce pantalon/cette écharpe/cette veste...
depuis des semaines maintenant j'avais l'impression de ne rien avoir à me mettre alors que mes valises ouvertes à même le sol (je n'ai toujours pas de penderie...) regorgent de plus qu'il n'en faudrait pour m'habiller pendant plusieurs semaines... le déclic s'est produit ce soir: il y a des kilos de fringues que j'ai aimé, que j'ai porté, que j'ai acheté et qui sont encore comme neuves... et dont je ne veux plus!! OUT!! Je me sens plus légère de deux gros sacs pleins à donner à un charity shop...
En priant pour ne pas avoir de cauchemars cette nuit... :))
01 December 2007
I know that I know... or have known
I've heard of people who met in different settings and different life times when their encounter or relationship of the past had not gone through a proper closure. I've even met such a person who married a man in this life who she said she'd met in her previous life, at which time they already loved each other but could not marry!
I have met C. this summer and I feel that I have met him before. I felt an extraordinary connection to this person, something very rarely experienced before, of being open, feeling safe and extremely comfortable, with loving feelings ...
If the soul of a person doesn't die with the body then where does it go? Can two souls be able to find each other again and meet?
I have met C. this summer and I feel that I have met him before. I felt an extraordinary connection to this person, something very rarely experienced before, of being open, feeling safe and extremely comfortable, with loving feelings ...
If the soul of a person doesn't die with the body then where does it go? Can two souls be able to find each other again and meet?
diy... at last!
Yeesss!
After 2 and a half months of living in my flat, I've taken some time off my various activities and stayed home to make the fit-in shelves I'd been dreaming about. It took me about 7 hours today, gluing, climbing onto the step ladder, putting in place, changing idea, carrying, sawing, drilling, screwing a good number of wood pieces of numerous sizes ans weight... yes, some were very heavy indeed!
But I managed and I'm pleased not only with myself but also with the result. Not quite the dream shelves I had in my mind but I guess I'm no professional, it was the first big job I did and it turns out nicely. My arms are soo tired at the minute that I can't compemplate getting all my books out of their boxes tonight... it'll have to wait 'til tomorrow. And I'm so lazy that I can't even imagine getting up and take a pic of them to accompany my scribbling... maybe tomorrow, too... :)
a nice Saturday, though!
i'm supposed to go out tonight but I'd rather laze around with a book
After 2 and a half months of living in my flat, I've taken some time off my various activities and stayed home to make the fit-in shelves I'd been dreaming about. It took me about 7 hours today, gluing, climbing onto the step ladder, putting in place, changing idea, carrying, sawing, drilling, screwing a good number of wood pieces of numerous sizes ans weight... yes, some were very heavy indeed!
But I managed and I'm pleased not only with myself but also with the result. Not quite the dream shelves I had in my mind but I guess I'm no professional, it was the first big job I did and it turns out nicely. My arms are soo tired at the minute that I can't compemplate getting all my books out of their boxes tonight... it'll have to wait 'til tomorrow. And I'm so lazy that I can't even imagine getting up and take a pic of them to accompany my scribbling... maybe tomorrow, too... :)
a nice Saturday, though!
i'm supposed to go out tonight but I'd rather laze around with a book
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