an unusual dance class

It was 34 years before I was introduced to the 5Rhythms ecstatic dance, meditation in movement by Gabrielle Roth (www.gabrielleroth.com) and I've hardly missed a weekly class. Because I love it, for once. But also because it's transformed my life. Because something happens on the dance floor that is difficult to describe with words. Because there are openings and closings, hopes and fears, terrifying anger contained in the safety of the class, terrible sadness of which I fear I won't come out...
But the worst is none of these. No, the worst, to my experience, is when "nothing" happens. No big drama, no ecstasy, no elation, no inflation, no diving, no flying... nothing.

And tonight was one of those nights. I had great expectations because it was full moon, and without being able to see it in Europe, an eclipse... and so I came with an intention. But I soon found myself limited physically by some rare feet pain, tiredness, thigh muscles as hard as rock, and a bad and painful sting or bite under my left ankle but which thought best to venture across half the foot...

I came out quiet, frustrated, sad and maybe even disappointed... (I hate to think that but I reckon it is true...) I became aware of my limitations, both physical and mental, and it just hits me as I write these words that rather than being kind and sending love and support I judged myself for my "failings" and felt resentment and anger.

I am truly sorry. It is now time to make amend with gentleness and nurturing.