23 April 2007

a few more steps on the spiral of life?

I really SHOULD go to bed and catch up on as much sleep as I can but I'm far too excited for that...

I am in awe at the world... really!
The way things happen or don't, turn out to be or don't... I had called my blog the witch and the princess because they're opposites and "because life's made of oposites, etc..." Well I experienced that again this weekend.

In opposition to all the excitment of my night at that Brazilian club I had to queue for an hour and a quarter before I could get in.
On Sunday was the London Marathon, ran by more than 36,000 people and they come at the back of my place so I could hear the cheers and jeers given by numerous supporters along the road. As I was leaving to go and vote for the French presidential elections, I gave up and went back home to avoid the queue to get on the tube - never seen such queue before ever at that place... 200m maybe? When I left home again an hour later, it was better and got on the tube as usual and it worked well. But as I arrived at the French lycee, I had to queue for another hour and a quarter to vote. Not joking!!! Long gone the sweet memory of coming, voting, going, all within 10 minutes!

With all the excitment and emotions of all sorts running high within myself, I believe these times queuing happened to make sure I would keep my feet on the ground. Awesome, no?

Then tonight I went to my weekly 5 Rhythms dance class and coming with no surprise was a chaotic chaos... I become possessed, loose control and I usually collapse after a while, sometimes weeping for minutes that seem to never come to an end... But somehow tonight in my chaos I felt extremely angry, I felt an enormous rage. It wasn't coming from my head nor my throat, it was erupting directly from my stomach, my liver, making my upper body shake - guts, lungs, spine, shoulders... nothing escaped. I'm sure my jailor, the one who kept me from expressing anger for all this years and to whom I was obedient, my jailor felt the prison shake tonight. A real earthquake, at least 9 points on Richter scale!! When the tears started to come up I suddenly saw how much they were my obedience, me indulging to fear and sadness of not allowing myself to express my anger and feeling sorry for myself - the eruption of rage came straight back! I AM ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY AND EXPRESS ANGER. YEEEEEEESSSS!

I believe that not only it won't kill me but it'll do me good. Am I at last living my teenage years of rebellion, tries and misses, mistakes, stupidity, discoveries of all sorts??? Maybe then I'll start finding out who I am really behind the obedient girl's mask, what I want and what is my purpose.

I'm telling you, these are really exciting times!


lisamoon said...

i'm curious who your 5 Rhythms teachers are. i dance with amara pagano in olympia, washington. last may, gabrielle roth and her son, jonathan came to facilitate the 5 Rhythms. glad to hear you shook up the jailor, the jail and sounds like the inmates, as well! cheers!

clairem said...

My weelky class is taught by Cathy Ryan, an energetic yet gentle, loving and supportive woman. The way she holds the space makes it a safe haven for anyone ole or new comers alike. But I also dance sometimes with other teachers in London, Sue Rickards, Christian and Chloe de Souza, Bhodi... I'e never had the chance to dance with Gabrielle but I hope I will one day, here or in the US!
thanks for your comments!

zahra said...

I`ve been attending 5 rhytmes dance for 3 months every thursdays in st Peter church in vauxhall.The teacher Christian De souza and his wonderfull choice of music takes my mind body and soul to wonderfull state of mind..Im allways looking forward to thursday
All the stress that im take in on in this busy life disappear with 5 rhytmes dance i feel blessed to be in this Heavenly Positive Vibres..I will recommend people to join classes as it help body mind and spirit to connect..:-)!