10 January 2008

learning to be loved...

it feels good to meet, to really meet someone. It feels even better when that someone is a close and "loved" one as we commonly say.

So why does it bring tears?
What is the expansion and constriction that my heart feels?
Why is it so difficult to accept to be loved and let it in?
Why do I need to justify my existance every so often? "I am here... this is who I am... I have principles... this is what I think and I want to convince you... I am right, always or I get angry..."
Why is it so hard to breathe in the belly, relax the jaw and let the Earth carry my weight?

I do know some answers to these questions and yet I sometimes can't live them consciously... But I am grateful that some days as I note that I have gone into automatic mode (going fast, justifying my existance...) I am able to be gentle with myself and come back to the feminine within - allowing... This bring tears and inner peace.

These days, I know I've got a massive challenge in front of me. I feel the weight of it and I feel it bring me down from time to time. I don't know if I'll go through this time. But I'm confident that if it's not for this spiral of life it'll be for the next or the one after that...

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