I have come out of the cinema with a feeling of sadness. I watched "Not here to be loved", a French film relating the meeting of two unhappy people - one middle age man who has never voiced his anger at not been seen by his father and is full of resentment and a woman in her 30s maybe, who is going to get married to a man who is Self-obsessed and doesn't give a dam about her. They meet on a dance floor, taking tango lessons.
At first I didn't understand why I felt sad. Then I came back "home", my ex-partner's flat where I live in at the moment while he's away having a brilliant time in South America for 6 months. There I let the tears flow and I heard them say "I don't want to leave this place, I feel home, it's a nice flat". I welcomed these tears of grief and gave myself to them for a while. Then I felt I had to write and an uninterrupted flow of words poured out into my book making me clearly see why I wasn't so excited about the flat I'm buying, and why I was/am in no hurry for the process to move forward...
I am grateful to the forces that took me to the cinema today to see a film I hadn't planned to see - I had the idea to watch "10 canoes" but went to the wrong cinema... I suppose I was ready to have my eyes opened to my own current truth and to accept it as it is, without judgment.
08 June 2007
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