14 May 2007

Awesome Anger

How could I ever thank Camilo enough for having talked to me about 5 Rhythms? How could I ever thank myself enough for having made the leap of faith? To put it in just one word, this practice is magical. At least it is for me...

In the last six months or so, chaos often became a battle that I always lost before I even got into it. Losing the plot, screaming, feeling exhaustion creeping in, lack of air reaching my lungs, and stiffness around my liver... I used to be happy with that as I was letting my rage out, at long last. But my entrance into lyrical would be chaotic, to say the least and most often some tears would find their way up... then down the floor!! In some classes I got more water pouring out that even Niagara falls.

Last week changed radically. My anger, agression and rage came out as per usual but somehow they were feeding me with energy rather than sucking it out. The passage to lyrical made the tears come up but this time, before they even left my heart, I refused to surrender, "No clairem, there's nothing to be ashamed of, I've got the right to be angry and agressive, I've got the right to own my anger and nothing bad will happen to me"...

Tonight, I came to the class anxious and upset and I couldn't be bothered to make an effort. Maybe I shouldn't say it that way. I couldn't push away all the anxiety that was playing up in my mind. I didn't like the music that Cathy put on, other dancers were too much of this and not enough of that.... when she said "take a partner", I thought, "Oh noooooo, that's the icing on the cake!" I really had to kick my arse again and again and again to make sure I was present to the man I was dancing with! And suddenly the dam cracked, the anger push through and with it all the repressed energy I had no access to until then!! It's like surfing the wave or falling into it. One feels fantastic and the other dreadful but if one's focused enough, then one can get the better of it even from the darkest situation.

1 comment:

lisamoon said...

hi clairem, thanks so much for your comment and sharing about your family visits. i sure wished my grandma would have lived closer to me, when i was growing up!

next weekend, i am heading to do the final wave of my living the 5 rhythms workshops...stillness. seems ironic that i'm dealing with my grandma's illness and movement into the great transition, as i will be immersed in the practice of stillness.

be well,

p.s. are you living in your new flat yet?